i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
