i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
