lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
