He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
