we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
