then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
