Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
