Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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