Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
