So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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