my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
