he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
