toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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