genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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