No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
