Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
