Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
