I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
