If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
