he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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