I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
