so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
