I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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