I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
