I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
