thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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