I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
