I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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