She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
