so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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