i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
