I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
