I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
