I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
