Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
