Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
