The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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