This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
