dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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