Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
