Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
