see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
