So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
