Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
