note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
