my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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