She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
