I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
