i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
