he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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