Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize