I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
