3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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