you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
