I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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