so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
