does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just had sex on a roof
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Drake has all the answers
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
