It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
