Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
