Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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