chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
