he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
