I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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