I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
