I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
