I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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