And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The ass gains better be worth it
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