if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
