I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize